If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
