It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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