At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
