The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
