i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
