Do you still have your period?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
