Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
