i love accidental penises.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
