But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
