Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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