if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
