would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
