do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
