Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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