im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
