Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
