she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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