Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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