i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
worst night to have a conscience
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
