I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
