as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
