I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
