I showed him my bush... on skype.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
