do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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