Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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