There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
