I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
