He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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