dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
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