Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I want a musical about memes.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
