My friends, they love my intelligence
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
