i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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