a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
