When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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