He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
