i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
