I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
