IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
