My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
