i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
