apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
