you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
