Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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