I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
