so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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