Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
