you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
