i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
