Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So. Much. Porn.
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