do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I will be naked everywhere
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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