We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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