the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
